When I first began to test the waters in photography I had the seemingly endless support of my friends and family. What I was doing was “cool” and “interesting” and “fun.”
Flash forward a few months and I was beginning to get some work here and there. Now I had to leave the party early. The “hobby” became a little harder to accept for my many around me. It was not long before slightly passive aggressive comments made their appearance. What was once cool, interesting and fun was now feeling more of a hindrance.
Moving ahead again in time the occasional commentaries have now become direct critiques and questions.
“It is not like you are photographing anything big.”
“Do you really think it matters?”
“Come on, it is not that important.”
At this point I was no longer in a position to leave the party early. I was never making it to the party. There was a job I had to do the next day, or I was heading out of town for another project that weekend.
The invites stopped coming.
Through the grapevine I started to hear the negative fall out from my friends.
“It’ll never work.”
“He is fooling himself.”
“He just does it to feel important.”
When I did make it out to see people it was a barrage of “well look who decided to show up” and “felt like slumming it this weekend?” Obviously I was not as welcome as I had once been.
It is now more than a decade later and this scenario has played itself out more than a few times. Chances are, if you are reading this blog, you’ve faced a similar situation where you engulfed and invested yourself into something you were passionate about and you lost the support and understanding of those close to you.
It is one of the hardest obstacles to overcome in the path of those who are driven to achieve something, anything. It tests your devotion and dedication to what you are doing as you begin to see the non-financial costs to your pursuit.
The hindsight, from someone who has gone down this road constantly, is that the solitude is not forever. The more you immerse yourself into what you truly care about, the more you open yourself up to others who share your insights, interests and passions.
Looking back I cannot be mad at my old friends, as I was the one who had changed. Their reactions, regardless of how they were received, were not intended to mar. They simply were responding to a situation without the full understanding of the reason why I was doing what I was.
So although I don’t have a massive phone book of college buddies that I can still get together with; what I do have is the strongest of connections to fellow professionals who are closer than any previous friendships I’ve had.
James Patrick
www.jamespatrick.com
Twitter @jpphotography
Instagram @jpatrickphoto
Wow just had this conversation today. Well written and you make a valid point. That’s life, right?!
Thanks so much Dave! Really appreciate you stopping by to check it out! Means a lot.
I have encountered this many times as well with my athletic career. Eating clean, not partying or even my everyday lifestyle not being “conventional” seems to irk people. I am often hit with the question, “When are you going to get on with life/get a real job/etc.” But as you say, every change and sacrifice I have made towards my goals has been worthwhile and for some, they just do not understand the situation or my motivations. Those who stick around they eventually see that it is what makes me happy and I couldn’t live any other way.
Great blog! Thanks for posting. I dig reading each one.
Annie – thank you so much for the comment and for taking the time to check out the blog. Really glad you liked it and took something from it.
For the last 5.5 years, I have been making decisions based on myself and my potential success in the future. When you start to grow and seek a sense of who you are, ‘friends’ don’t seem to get it. Especially since they are stuck in their own little time zone. It is life, the humanistic desire to be of maximum value with their existence on Earth before we die. At least that’s what it is for me. For the friends who want to stay on the ride generally are the ones who I hope to benefit in the long run. But those who childishly razz me for skipping out on a night to party can take the backseat of my attention.
Evina you make a fantastic point about the friends who stick with you on the journey! Thanks so much!